While sitting in the recovery room after the stillbirth, we had to make decisions very fast.
“What funeral home would be handling services?” “Do you want to go the cremation route or funeral services?” “What name is going on the death certificate?”
It is not everyday that you have your top pick of funeral home(s) ready for when someone asks you for one. How does a young twenty-eight year old know what questions to ask when handling the death of someone?
“What funeral home would be handling services?”
Thankfully, we had my mother there to research and call countless funeral homes to find the right one for us.
What makes a funeral home right for you? It really depends, but this is what was important to us:
Processing Time (the shorter the better)
Family Business (to ensure great support and sympathy through the unknown process)
Understanding (and resources for stillbirths)
“Do you want to go the cremation route or funeral services?”
It was an easy decision for us to decide on cremation. And the reason behind this will make more sense soon.
“What name is going on the death certificate?”
When we first found out we were having a boy in late April, we quickly "announced" the name to immediate friends and family. We picked out the name a few weeks prior and loved it. When we got to the hospital, we even told all the nurses and doctors the name we had picked out.
When I was hooked up to the machines to monitor his heartbeat three times a day, I would talk to him and call him by name to tell him how strong he was being.
The name we had picked out and announced to our friends and family was for our first baby boy. The stillborn we had was his body, yes, but his soul is waiting to join us in our future child(ren). Our baby boy was struggling, we were struggling as his parents, and we believe that he knew it was time for him to try again. For us to try again. He was protecting us from future and harder heartbreak.
To preserve the perfect name we had picked out (and the soul that will return in the future), we decided to put a different name on the death certificate. The name on the death certificate actually has meaning in my husband's family so it still was a personal name (not just John Doe). We are still connected to our stillborn, he will always be our first, but we have hope for the future.
Yes, the decisions we made are probably not going to sit right with everyone, but it feels right to us and this gives us so much beautiful hope for the future.